New Views for Jude

 

Today Jude got glasses. And quite frankly, he was beyond thrilled about it.

The last few months I have noticed he seemed to want to sit practically on top of the TV when watching it. He also squinted a lot and complained of headaches on occasion. All big fat clues pointing us straight to the eye doctor, but with everything else going on it got pushed to the back of my mind and the bottom of my to-do list. But, today was Early Release day from school, and I decided to take advantage of it. I got him a same day appointment and right after school off we went. We took Eden to play at Sammy's, which upset Jude quite a bit since he had been made to sit through Eden's eye doctor appointment last year. Its hard to explain to a second born child why their older sibling frequently gets to do things that seem unfair, but I tried my best. "When Eden had to see the eye doctor you were too young to be left at a friend's house." to which he replied "I could've stayed at Sammy's too!" to which I replied "We didn't KNOW Sammy then" to which he replied "But we COULD HAVE known him!" So I gave up and just agreed that it was unfair, but thats how it was going to be anyways.

The eye doctor turned out to be a very young lady with a very big smile who made Jude feel extremely comfortable. She let him push the buttons to make his chair go up and down, and she really explained all the steps of what she was doing as best she could. She was very patient with his wiggly-ness, and very complimentary of his attempts to cooperate. When it was all said and done, the conclusion was that yes in fact he did need glasses, he has astigmatism, and one eye is worse than the other. I'm pretty sure she said the left eye was worse, but it was difficult to hear her at that point because Hannah was yelling at me to get more "wash wash" out of the dispenser on the wall.

Then we went and picked out some frames. This took all of 5 minutes because Jude actually doesn't care much what goes on his face. Unlike Eden who labored over the decision for a good 45 minutes, Jude was fine with any frame I put on him so long as it meant we could go home. It came down to two pairs I liked, and he chose the silver ones over the browner ones. Then in another stroke of good fortune they had the lenses in stock and said it would be a mere 15 minute wait to get the glasses put together! Hooray! Jude was very excited and very proud when he finally got to put on his new glasses. His mouth dropped open and he exclaimed "Oh WOW! Everythings got COLORS!"

He was really happy to get home and use his glasses to watch cartoons. Which he can now see from the couch.

September 1

Its official.

Its September.

This month marks one year since Dean left home to go to Ft. Riley in order to train for this deployment.

One entire Year. And the really funny part is...we aren't even done yet! Oh wait, thats not funny at all. Although I do remember very distinctly last September thinking that THIS September would never come. And now here we are. So that counts for something. Still, its strange to think I haven't lived with my husband for 12 months, and still have 3 to 4 months to go depending on whether or not you count this month since its already started, or if you count December which is when he will be home but probably not to till the end. In my head of course I like to calculate the time whichever way makes it seem shortest. This means I don't count either September (cause its started already) OR December (cause I will see him before that month ends). So that just leaves October and November to really get through. Trust me, in my Army Wife Brain it alllllll makes sense.

Now please excuse me while I go eat a big ol' bowl of Chocolate Trinity ice cream(from Publix! its the best ice cream ever!) to celebrate this milestone of sorts. I made it to September.

Judah Pudah

Jude turned six years old yesterday.

Six.

Thats half way to twelve. Or 1/3 of the way to 18.

Whhhhhhyyyyyyyyy????

Ok. I am calm again.

From the very beginning, and I do mean the VERY beginning, Jude was nothing like his brother. When I was pregnant with Jude I threw up 3 or 4 times a day for the first 12weeks (with Eden I threw up 3 or 4 times TOTAL EVER). With Jude I craved hot wings and ceasar salad (with Eden all I wanted was chocolate anything). As my tummy grew, Jude would most often find a nice spot in my ribs to place his feet. If I tried to push on him to get him to adjust his position he would literally PUSH BACK as hard as he could as if to say "Thanks for the suggestion, Mom, but I am comfortable right where I am."



After he was born, he didn't really do the whole sleeping thing. He cried a lot, he puked even more. I know the term is "spit up" but trust me, if you had seen what came out of that kid's mouth you would call it puke too. And it was projectile puke, capable of traveling several feet across a room or completely saturating my clothing to the point where if it happened and we were out somewhere we just had to go home to change.

Once he started smiling and laughing though he was a total charmer. And most of all he loved to make his big brother laugh. Jude was a very busy baby, and learned to crawl early, mostly so he could chase Eden around the house. Eden used to have to tell me "Mommy, I have to go potty!" and I would have to hold on to Jude and say "Ok, go! Run!" and Eden would run to the bathroom as fast as he could. The second I put Jude down he was off like a shot after him shouting "EEE-DAH!! EEE-DAH!" He would crawl over to the door and put his little tiny hands under the crack, unable to bear the seperation from his favorite person in all the world. He would lie on his tummy with his fingers under the door and say "eeedah, eedah" until Eden came out.



One of my favorite things Jude used to say was when he was around 2 years old. If you asked him to do something, or told him to stop doing something, he would reply as if he didn't understand and say "Whaa you say? Mama, Whaa you say?" Around this same time he also had horrific, full blown tantrums of the lying-kicking-and-screaming-on-the-floor variety. They were quite a scene to behold, and left me completely baffled as Eden had never had a tantrum in his life. In fact, most mornings Jude woke up screaming. The only way to make it stop was to get him a sippy cup of chocolate milk (mixed only by Mommy, unless you wanted to hear screams of "MOMMY DO IT MOMMY DO IT!!!!!), set him on the couch, and put on a cartoon. It became our morning ritual for quite a long time. He also found his own clever ways to try to get out of going to bed, like sticking his leg out between the bars of his crib all the way up to his thigh till it became tightly wedged, and then shouting for help. This was completely intentional, and scared the crap out of me every single time because I was convinced that one day I would not be able to un-wedge his leg. But I knew he was doing it to get attention, so I just had to go in, get him unstuck, lay him back down, and leave again without talking to him. If I said anything it was just "Jude, No." Some nights I would only have to go through this once, but most nights it was three or four times before he finally went to sleep.



But despite all that, he is still at heart just the sweetest, most loving child. In the early weeks of my pregnancy with Hannah, before the boys even knew, I was driving with Jude in the car one day and he was sitting in the back sitting talking quietly to himself. I said "Hey Jude, what are you doing?" and he replied "I'm talkin' to my baby sister." I was so shocked. I said "Well, you don't have a baby sister.." and he said "I'm just PRETENDING, Mommy!" After Hannah was born he was constantly wanting to hug her and hold her and poke her face with his fingers. He is loving, but not really gentle. Even now, with both Eden and Hannah, I have to remind Jude sometimes that hugs shouldn't hurt. But hes just so excited to love people, and to show it with all of his might. To the extreme. Which is really how he does everything.

So here he is now, a big six year old boy. Who always makes everyone smile.

Fortune Cookie Failure

 

This is the ACTUAL fortune I received out of an ACTUAL fortune cookie at dinner last night.

Does this even count as a fortune? It sounds more like a command to me. "GO TO THE GYM! BAAAH!" Thats what it should have said. At least that would have been more interesting. Plus "improving" my exercise routine implies that I already HAVE some sort of excercise routine in place which I could improve upon. This however is not the case. Although a couple of months ago I went to a local gym for a free trial week and seriously considered joining....but, uhm...then I didn't. So, maybe thats what its talking about. Or maybe its just a lame cookie.

Can I get another fortune please?

Nine

Eden turned Nine years old on the 13th of this month.

There are not enough ways to say how much I love this little boy who is quickly becoming a little man. His birth absolutely and completely altered my life, in ways I could not have anticipated and in ways that I still cannot fully comprehend. I am grateful every. single. day. that I have been fortunate enough to be his mother and I know for a fact that I have learned just as much from him as he has ever learned from me, if not more.

When I look back and think about the day he was born, I am flooded with so many emotions. Being a "teenage mom" is a condition that seems to follow you no matter how many years pass. Seeing the look on my friends faces when they came to visit me in the hospital, the shock and awkwardness of our 18 year old selves around this tiny, pink person who symbolized by his presence the uncrossable divide between their reality and mine. Holding him and feeling the deepest kind of love mixed with the deepest sense of "oh-dear-god-what-have-I-done". The mixture of what I had lost with what I had gained, the certainty that I knew nothing combined with the certainty that I must not fail, the feeling that I must be dreaming conflicting with the undeniable reality of dirty diapers and feedings around the clock.

Luckily for me, he was the best baby anyone could ask for. Eden cried only when absolutely necessary, he woke up happy, spent most of his time content, and seemed endlessly patient with me as I bumbled about trying to figure out this whole mothering thing. He still is. He always wanted to be held and cuddled, he smiled early, talked early, and never learned to crawl because we never put him down. He did however master the art of butt-scooching in order to get around a bit before he decided at about 14 months that it was time to start walking. Eden always did things his own way in his own time, and when he was done with something he was DONE. One day he was simply done breastfeeding at about 10 months, another day he was done co-sleeping and never slept in my bed again (unless he had a bad dream as he got older, of course!), the same went for his sippy cup and his crib. Done and done, just like that all of the sudden. When hes ready and its time, things happen. When hes not ready and its not time, I assure you things will not. Thats just how it goes with him.

In the years since he has acquired both a younger brother and a younger sister. He is an outstanding big brother, patient and helpful, playful and creative, loving and kind. He has a tendency towards bossiness, but what kind of big brother would he be if he didn't? He knows how he is supposed to treat his siblings, and when he falls short the person who is hardest on him is himself. He is always quick to comfort when they are in need, encourage when they are down, and give hugs and kisses just because. I know how much he loves them, and they know it too. Its a beautiful thing to see.

Yesterday we were able to go out to dinner for his birthday, just him and me. Special mommy time is hard to come by these days. We talked and laughed, planned Halloween costumes and Dean's homecoming. He even ate almost his entire dinner and he proclaimed his hamburger to be "the best burger I have EVER eaten! I especially love the salty crusty bits!" Afterwards we went to Toys R Us to spend some birthday card money, and it was nice to just be able to walk the isles giving him the time to really examine his toy options and make a selection at his leisure. Returning home we had cookie cake and ice cream with everyone else. It was a wonderful evening.

Here are a couple photos, Eden at 10 days old and Eden today.





Amazing.

First Days (Or: "Incentivising")

Wow.

Ok so Monday was just about the biggest day EVER in our household. Everyone was having a First Day.

The boys had their first day back at school. Jude is now a Kindergartener and Eden is a 4th grader. Which my brain cannot fully comprehend or acknowledge. But, anyways, here they are being awesomely cute and adorable.



They apparently have really nice teachers. I wouldn't know though because I haven't MET them, since the teachers were not yet assigned at orientation and then on Monday I had my first day back at work.

Luckily, their Grandma is in town visiting to help us get through our big week, so she took them in and took their photos. That made me very happy. They both had really good days, liked their teachers, and their classmates. The only major glitch was in the afternoon. Grandma went to meet them off the bus.....and only Eden came off. Where is Jude? No one seems to know. So she tells the bus driver there is supposed to be one more and they start radioing around trying to find him. His teacher had for some reason thought he was a car-rider and put him in the wrong line so he missed the bus. She realized her mistake and tried to call me, but I was in orientation and the number that came up on my phone was apparently her personal cell phone which was clearly a number I did not recognize so I did not bother leaving my class to answer. Now if she had called from the SCHOOL I would have known it was something IMPORTANT and left to answer the call....but, whatever. The bus driver finally talked to someone at the school and verified he was there, with his teacher, so Grandma took Hannah and Eden to fetch Jude who was sitting perfectly happily in his room waiting to be retrieved. Believe it or not, a similar incident occured with Eden on his first day of Kindergarten....he was placed on the WRONG bus. Thats another story, but I think my kids must have some weird first day bus karma or something.

Last but certainly not least on the list of significant events was Hannah's first day at daycare!! Here we are getting ready to leave.


Don't we look excited? Ok HERE is Hannah being excited....


So cute!! The drop off went pretty well, mostly because I think she was completely shocked that I was actually leaving her. She didn't know what was going on or what to expect so she just kind of went "Mama?? MAMA?!?!" and then I closed the door. I didn't hear any blood curdling screams afterwards so I think she was ok. She cried on and off during the day, but then Grandma picked her up around 11:30 and all was right with the world again.

My first day of orientation was boring beyond description since I went thru the EXACT same orientation last summer for the exact same hospital, and they have the exact same speakers with the exact same topics and the exact same videos with the exact same slides.....yeah, you get the picture. There was even the same really nice older lady who was talking about benefits and such, who repeatedly used the word "incentivising", as in "Ya'll can see where such programs as our employee tuition reimbursement program is real incentivising to some folks who are lookin' to advance their careers." I've decided it is a word I am going to start trying to work in to my daily conversations, cause its just plain funny. And yes, it was the most interesting part of the entire day for me.

I came home to tired but happy children, who all gave me hugs and kisses. I asked Hannah "Did you have a good day at school?" and she replied "NNNNNOO!" But she said it with a big smile so it couldn't have been all that bad.

Heres all of us together in the morning. Just cause we are cute. Hannah is much more interested in her "bucket" as she calls it(which is actually an M&M dispenser) then having her photo taken.

Stupid frickin' Fences! Frick!

My fences.....I am telling you they are suicidal. Or something. Perhaps they are just unlucky, I really don't know. But big things like TREES keep frickin' falling on them and making a big frickin' mess.

As you can plainly see from the photo above, yet another section of our fencing has met a sad end at the hands of a large piece of wood falling from the sky. A storm rolled through this afternoon, there were several very loud cracks of thunder near our house. And at some point this tree limb fell down. On the fence. Which created a very large hole.

We have a dog. His name is Mac. He is a good dog and we love him to bits, and he loves going out in the back yard. This is normally not an issue when the fence is intact. But now, it is broken and Mac was sad. There was no way that we could leave it, obviously, because he could run away. So as soon as the storm was over I drove to Lowe's and tried to buy something that would be cheap and adequately cover the gap. This is what I came up with....



Stop laughing.

I was going for functional not beautiful. Clearly.

I got a few stares while at Lowes, I must have looked a bit out of place wandering around the large stacks of wood and particle board and whatever other large pieces of building materials are sold there. No one who WORKED there actually offered to help me but I did get several offers from men in tattered work shirts, dusty blue jeans and work boots. One of these nice guys even held the lattice for me while I went to get my car, and then loaded it in to the back for me as well. Maybe its because I was having such a good hair day.

I don't know if Dean will be pleased with my Mrs. Fix-It skills, but I did my best in order to keep the dog safe for now. Recently the roof around the chimney was leaking (I know, right?!?!Come ON house, keep it together!!) and had to be repaired, and the very nice gentlmen who did a very nice job on it will apparently be getting another phone call from me very soon.

Stupid frickin' fence.

An Old Favorite

 

Looking through old photos on my computer tonight I came across this one.

I love it.

I love it because it was taken shortly after we were married. I love it because neither one of us is looking at the camera. I love it because we look so young. I love it because we look so happy. I love it because there aren't a lot of pictures with just him and me. I love it because it is a very real moment. I love it because of the way I am looking at him.

Love, love, love it.

Feelings without Words

The first time I saw this photo, I felt my heart drop and my stomach tied in knots. I wasn't sure why exactly, until later when I found out where and when it was taken. Then it made sense. Intuition is weird.

There is not much I can say about the deployment right now. Its still difficult, its still lonely. But it has evolved beyond those things, to the point where there aren't really words for how it feels. The mixture of pride and fear, love and loneliness, the often physically painful anxiety tempered only by the calm reassurance of his voice. I am awed and amazed by the strength, integrity, and bravery of my husband and the men serving with him, while being equally terrified and angry at the circumstances which call them to action. Amid the conflicting emotions I often find myself moved to tears, but still never completely sure why I am crying.

And if any one else wants to remind me that "Hey, things sure are heating up in Afghanistan," I would like to remind them: I. Already. Know.

On Vacation

Hannah and I are spending two weeks in New Jersey with Dean's family. The boys are at their Dad's, going to the beach and generally having tons of fun. They weren't too upset until the day before we left, when Jude said "Wait, I want to play with Uncle Thomas!" (Dean's younger brother) I assured him that Uncle Thomas would come and visit us some time soon, and that I really thought this time he would have more fun at the beach. Last time we all came to NJ we did EVERYTHING from camping to the Statue of Liberty, and I told him we were not doing any of those things this time. So he said "Yeah, I think I will go to the beach." I personally was not up to the challenge of three kids in the airport, getting through security and all of that jazz.

Getting through the airport with Hannah turned out to be quite entertaining. Here she is, walking to our gate, with a wipey on her head. I had just changed her diaper in the bathroom and she asked me for a "wash wash", which about ten seconds later was deemed a "hat hat".


Then once we got to the gate we sat for a few minutes, looked out the window, watched the people. Hannah then seemed to suddenly remember her Daddy Doll was in my backpack. She started pointing and shouting "Dada! DA! DA!" at my backpack. I asked her "Do you want your Daddy Doll?" And she said "Right! Right!!" When I got him out she said "awwww" and gave him a big hug. Then she proceeded to walk around the gate and show him to anyone and everyone, saying loudly "Dada! Thank you! Dada! Thank you!"




She was great on the plane, played with a little boy sitting next to us, and then napped for about 30 minutes. When we arrived Grandma and Aunt Mary were there to meet us. Hannah definitely recognized them but was afraid I was going to leave her with them and didn't really want to look at them or talk to them at first. When I put her in the car seat she really started to freak out that I might leave her, and she cried for a few minutes even once I got in the car too. Poor baby girl! But we all made it to the house, and went outside to explore the yard. One of her new favorite words is "grass", I am not sure why but she seems to think Jersey grass is waaaaay more interesting then Georgia grass. We also had a little cook out.


Thats Hannah with Thomas, whom she has renamed "Tummy!" Every time she sees him she exclaims "Tummy!" and points to her belly. It has the potential to become a very permanent nickname.

The next day we went to the playground. Hannah was fascinated by the rocks in the parking lot. and it took some convincing to get her to continue on to the ACTUAL playground.

So we went on to play on the swings and such. She had a captive audience of no less then 4 adults (me, Mary, Grandma, and Tummy)and I think she quite enjoyed it. Although by the time we go home she may have quite a time readjusting to not being the complete center of attention.