Round and Round we go

My Dad took this picture. We are sitting in an IHOP, not far from my house. Its the morning that Dean left to go back to Ft. Riley. When he sent me the photo today I was suprised. I don't look nearly as miserable as I was feeling. And look at Hannah.....she has such a great smile! Shes still in her PJs I didn't even have the presence of mind to get her dressed before taking her out. So I guess I wasnt that with it after all. Still, that seems like it was ages ago.....but its been just a little over a week. One week. 10 days if you want to be more exact. If I did math, I would figure out the hours and minutes. I'm just not that in to math. And besides, the point is, it hasn't been long enough.

Today none of us got dressed. We alll stayed in our PJs and played video games and took naps and watched TV and took turns helping Hannah push her highchair around the house. Its what she does. Round and round from kitchen to hallway to bedroom to hallway to kitchen......round and round. Its really very fun. For her mostly. Doing laps at times is the only thing that will make her happy. I think when she pushes the highchair instead of holding my hand she thinks shes really walking. I follow her around, gently trying to guide the chair away from the walls and furniture. Frequently our cat Patches will come along for the ride, holding on to a leg of the chair with her two front paws and allowing herself to be dragged around the house. Hannah thinks this is hysterical and tries to tromp on the cats head. Sometimes she succeeds and the cat lets go of the chair for a few seconds. Then tries a different chair leg. Oddly enough, she gets the same result.

I've got to get a video of it, but that could prove challenging since both my hands are occupied guiding the chair.

And round and round we go.

Today

Basically sucked. So if anyone has any good news or happy thoughts to send my way, please do. Cause I need it.

Donuts, Please!

My baby girl loves Donuts. She loves them so much in fact that she would not allow me to help her eat this one. She would not allow me to take it and turn it over so she could get the chocolate part easier either. She insisted on twisting her hand all crazy and tilting her head all funny trying to get that darn upside-down-chocolate part!!

The thing that is so awesome about her though is she wants to do everything HER SELF. There is no helping unless it is absolutely required. Otherwise shes all "I've got it covered, Mom, quit bothering me!"

And I thought I would have to wait till she was a teenager to deal with the attitude.....Lucky Me :)

Christmas in Kabul

In case anyone was wondering, this is what Christmas looks like in Afghanistan! Here is my sweet husband, with his paper Christmas tree. It was his Mom's idea, and the boys decorated it with little sticker ornaments. Then everyone in his family and me and the kids each wrote him a letter to open on Christmas and wrapped them up like little gifts. It really is just so cute!! He said all the guys thought it was neat, and wanted him to open his presents early, but he would not. It brought a little bit fo Christmas cheer to their otherwise kind or dark and crowded tent. And he loved the letters, of course.

It doesn't feel like Christmas to me today. We opened a couple of presents here at my Dad's, and there is a tree and we are having a big Christmas dinner.....but for me Christmas came and went on December 15th, when Dean was here and we celebrated as a family.

Because thats what Christmas is really about. Not to be all mushy or whatever, but it really doesn't matter the exact day of the year, its that feeling we had all being together.

I did talk to the boys this morning. They are having a grand 2nd Christmas at Daniel's, which is wonderful because I really don't have much Christmas cheer today. I love that they are happy, that they have two homes where they can feel so loved and cherished and whole. We have decided to stop "splitting" Christmas day, where the kids spent Christmas Eve and morning one place and then had to go to the other house in theafternoon. It just made it no fun for anyone, all the stress of going back and forth and having no time to really enjoy their new toys or feel like they are rushed into spending time with all the various family members. This year they sound so much more relaxed, fully engrossed in their new gifts and gadgets.

Dean is already sleeping, his Christmas Day has ended, and ours is barely half way over. Time zones are weird.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

Distracted

So, It turns out that the more I try to be "distracted" from my new reality the more in my face it becomes. The more I try not to think about it, the more I think about it. The only exception to this so far has been a 2 hour time period where I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe as I watched "The Birdcage". I completely forgot to be sad or stressed or lonely, and it was awesome.

On the other hand I realized today that not even a week has passed. How is that even possible? Its been like at LEAST 2 months in my mind! Come on time, catch up!!

Today someone made me feel guilty. A complete stranger no less. Its weird how people can say things when they "mean well" that can have to complete opposite effect of what they were intending. For instance, I believe this man was trying to comfort me, to make me feel better, to give me so advice he obviously thought I needed. The thing is, I don't recall asking for his advice. I don't want to feel guilty for wanting to talk to my husband, but here this person is going to tell me that talking to my husband may actually HARM him by causing him to be too "distracted" to do his job. That I should leave him alone and "let him focus so he can come home safe". The more I think about it the more angry it makes me. So maybe I will try and stop thinking about it.