Why I Don't Cook (Or: How to Amputate Your Own Thumb)

 

Ouch.

This is my thumb after an unfortunate run in with a very sharp kitchen tool. It would seem that the kitchen tool won this round.

My husband used to tell me, when he was home, that watching me use the knives made him "nervous". I don't cook much at all really, so the knives and I are not exactly well-acquainted. But today I decided to make chili for some friends who are going to come over tonight and keep me company while drinking a margarita or two. Making chili involves slicing and dicing a few vegetables, nothing too complicated. Dice an onion, slice up a red bell pepper, done! But noooooo. Not today my friends. Today, while dicing said onion somehow or other my thumb ended up UNDER the blade. Directly.

It literally took me about 5 seconds to even register what I had done. I just stared at this big flap of skin hanging of my now bleeding thumb. My brain was like "Huh.....Interesting. That appears to be our blood. I wonder how that got there......oh, wait a second.....wait........OUCH!" And then I went and stuck it under the sink. I decided it was best to simply lay the skin back over my wound instead of pulling it off. Cause that would hurt more. And I'm a nurse, right? So I totally know what I'm doing.....I think. I got it all rinsed off and held it with a paper towel for a bit. It kept right on bleeding. And at this point I decided it looked kind of cool and that I should take a picture. So I did.

Oh, and then the neighbor came over and we chatted on the porch for a bit and I showed her what I had done. And she laughed. And told me I should get a food processor. I have a food processor. So that only made it seem stupider.

After several more minutes the bleeding stopped. I washed it one more time, careful not to displace the skin, and then bandaged it up. Then I went over and swore at the onion and the knife. This was clearly their doing after all and not my total lack of coordination while using pointy things. Why were they consipring against me??? All I want is some freakin' chili, is that too much to ask??

The chili is now simmering happily on the stove, while my thumb is still throbbing. It better taste good is all I have to say.

 

Welcome to the House of Puke (Or: Lora Just Can't Catch A Break)

The Pukie Faries are visiting.

This morning around 2 a.m. Jude came in my room. "Mooooommmyy, my tummy huuuuuuurrrts." I said "Ok, baby, come lay down with me." And he went to sleep.

At 3 a.m. Eden comes in my room. "Moooooommmyy, my tummy huuuuuuuuuurrts." Again I said "OK, baby, come lay down with me". And we all went to sleep.

At 3:30 a.m. Jude sits bolt upright in bed. "I'M GOING TO THROW UP!!"

Me: "GO TO THE BATHROOM! GO GO GO!"

And he runs to the bathroom with his hand over his mouth. As soon as he steps over onto the tile floor there is a loud *SPLAT*. So....he didn't quite make it to the toilet but at least it wasn't on the bed or carpet, right? He then threw up a second time in the toilet.

I told Eden to go back to his room because Jude was sick. I changed Jude's clothes and cleaned up the mess with my handy dandy Clorox Hard Surface Spray. That stuff rocks. Then we went back to bed.

At 4:30 a.m. I hear a noise in the hallway that sounds remarkably like a bag of marbles had been dropped to the floor. But it wasn't. It was just Eden having his visit from the Pukie Faries. On the floor AND the wall. I'm not joking.

The noise and accompanying smell made Jude dash yet again to the toilet. Where he not only puked, he had diarrhea. In his pants.

The goal today is to keep them both from breathing on, touching, kissing, or really even looking to closely at their baby sister in the hopes that she will not have a visit from the Fairies as well. However, given recent events in the last month, I'm not holding out too much hope that my luck is going to change now.

I can't seem to catch a break.

The Traveling Daddy

 

The Traveling Daddy

 

 

 

 

Dean doesn't know it yet, but today he went to Fernbank.

Actually, we all did. My friend Joy called this morning and said:"Hey, lets go to Fernbank, I have season passes!"

Since we sat around in our pajammies all day yesterday, it felt like getting out of the house might be a good thing.

So we went, and it was really fun. The boys hadn't seen their friend Noah in forever. Noah was so overcome with excitement that the first thing he did was run up to Eden and Jude and shout "Don't even THINK about it!!!". I am not sure if he was really talking to them, or himself. Hes one of those kids with boundless energy who's voice carries for miles, even indoors. He makes more noise and body movements then all three of my children combined. Needless to say, we didn't spend much time in the "museum portion" of the museum, but instead headed directly to the designated play areas after a quick lunch.

I decided to bring the Daddy Doll with us for this little family outing, for a couple of reasons.

1) Its fun carrying a miniature version of my husband in the diaper bag and

2) I though Dean might get a kick out of seeing photos of himself at Fernbank.

So first we planted Dean in the garden, then I took a picture of him with baby girl by the window, then we stood him near a dinosaur that would make him look giant, and then we took a family photo. Between photo-ops he was gently stuffed back in to the diaper bag, unless Hannah asked for him to come out which she did periodically. I think just to check on him and make sure he wasn't too smooshed. She would give him a hug, a gentle pat on the back, and then hand him back to me with a "Tank too". (Thank you is her newest word.)

The boys spent most of their time being "Bears". Eden of course was the biggest bear, and was in charge and kept the littler bears in line to the best of his ability. Noah doesn't "keep in line" very well, but if anyone can manage to do it, Eden will. They had some small puppet animals which were their prey. They then stockpiled all the dead animals in their cave and growled at other small children who made the mistake of getting too close. Hannah spent a lot of time "feeding" the baby birds sock worms and looking at herself in the mirrors. Fernbank is sooooo cool.

When everyone was done with that we went on to the secondary playplace, and then to the interactive science exhibit. None of these things though seemed to hold the magic of the "dead animals and the cave game", so we didn't stay long. We went back to Joy and Noah's house for some Chick-fil-a and playtime before heading home. The boys were totally bummed we didn't get to spend more time at the house, so we promised to get them together again soon.

Kids with Daddy Doll

 

Just too cute.