Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Feelings without Words

The first time I saw this photo, I felt my heart drop and my stomach tied in knots. I wasn't sure why exactly, until later when I found out where and when it was taken. Then it made sense. Intuition is weird.

There is not much I can say about the deployment right now. Its still difficult, its still lonely. But it has evolved beyond those things, to the point where there aren't really words for how it feels. The mixture of pride and fear, love and loneliness, the often physically painful anxiety tempered only by the calm reassurance of his voice. I am awed and amazed by the strength, integrity, and bravery of my husband and the men serving with him, while being equally terrified and angry at the circumstances which call them to action. Amid the conflicting emotions I often find myself moved to tears, but still never completely sure why I am crying.

And if any one else wants to remind me that "Hey, things sure are heating up in Afghanistan," I would like to remind them: I. Already. Know.

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