Why I Don't Cook (Or: How to Amputate Your Own Thumb)

 

Ouch.

This is my thumb after an unfortunate run in with a very sharp kitchen tool. It would seem that the kitchen tool won this round.

My husband used to tell me, when he was home, that watching me use the knives made him "nervous". I don't cook much at all really, so the knives and I are not exactly well-acquainted. But today I decided to make chili for some friends who are going to come over tonight and keep me company while drinking a margarita or two. Making chili involves slicing and dicing a few vegetables, nothing too complicated. Dice an onion, slice up a red bell pepper, done! But noooooo. Not today my friends. Today, while dicing said onion somehow or other my thumb ended up UNDER the blade. Directly.

It literally took me about 5 seconds to even register what I had done. I just stared at this big flap of skin hanging of my now bleeding thumb. My brain was like "Huh.....Interesting. That appears to be our blood. I wonder how that got there......oh, wait a second.....wait........OUCH!" And then I went and stuck it under the sink. I decided it was best to simply lay the skin back over my wound instead of pulling it off. Cause that would hurt more. And I'm a nurse, right? So I totally know what I'm doing.....I think. I got it all rinsed off and held it with a paper towel for a bit. It kept right on bleeding. And at this point I decided it looked kind of cool and that I should take a picture. So I did.

Oh, and then the neighbor came over and we chatted on the porch for a bit and I showed her what I had done. And she laughed. And told me I should get a food processor. I have a food processor. So that only made it seem stupider.

After several more minutes the bleeding stopped. I washed it one more time, careful not to displace the skin, and then bandaged it up. Then I went over and swore at the onion and the knife. This was clearly their doing after all and not my total lack of coordination while using pointy things. Why were they consipring against me??? All I want is some freakin' chili, is that too much to ask??

The chili is now simmering happily on the stove, while my thumb is still throbbing. It better taste good is all I have to say.

 

Welcome to the House of Puke (Or: Lora Just Can't Catch A Break)

The Pukie Faries are visiting.

This morning around 2 a.m. Jude came in my room. "Mooooommmyy, my tummy huuuuuuurrrts." I said "Ok, baby, come lay down with me." And he went to sleep.

At 3 a.m. Eden comes in my room. "Moooooommmyy, my tummy huuuuuuuuuurrts." Again I said "OK, baby, come lay down with me". And we all went to sleep.

At 3:30 a.m. Jude sits bolt upright in bed. "I'M GOING TO THROW UP!!"

Me: "GO TO THE BATHROOM! GO GO GO!"

And he runs to the bathroom with his hand over his mouth. As soon as he steps over onto the tile floor there is a loud *SPLAT*. So....he didn't quite make it to the toilet but at least it wasn't on the bed or carpet, right? He then threw up a second time in the toilet.

I told Eden to go back to his room because Jude was sick. I changed Jude's clothes and cleaned up the mess with my handy dandy Clorox Hard Surface Spray. That stuff rocks. Then we went back to bed.

At 4:30 a.m. I hear a noise in the hallway that sounds remarkably like a bag of marbles had been dropped to the floor. But it wasn't. It was just Eden having his visit from the Pukie Faries. On the floor AND the wall. I'm not joking.

The noise and accompanying smell made Jude dash yet again to the toilet. Where he not only puked, he had diarrhea. In his pants.

The goal today is to keep them both from breathing on, touching, kissing, or really even looking to closely at their baby sister in the hopes that she will not have a visit from the Fairies as well. However, given recent events in the last month, I'm not holding out too much hope that my luck is going to change now.

I can't seem to catch a break.

The Traveling Daddy

 

The Traveling Daddy

 

 

 

 

Dean doesn't know it yet, but today he went to Fernbank.

Actually, we all did. My friend Joy called this morning and said:"Hey, lets go to Fernbank, I have season passes!"

Since we sat around in our pajammies all day yesterday, it felt like getting out of the house might be a good thing.

So we went, and it was really fun. The boys hadn't seen their friend Noah in forever. Noah was so overcome with excitement that the first thing he did was run up to Eden and Jude and shout "Don't even THINK about it!!!". I am not sure if he was really talking to them, or himself. Hes one of those kids with boundless energy who's voice carries for miles, even indoors. He makes more noise and body movements then all three of my children combined. Needless to say, we didn't spend much time in the "museum portion" of the museum, but instead headed directly to the designated play areas after a quick lunch.

I decided to bring the Daddy Doll with us for this little family outing, for a couple of reasons.

1) Its fun carrying a miniature version of my husband in the diaper bag and

2) I though Dean might get a kick out of seeing photos of himself at Fernbank.

So first we planted Dean in the garden, then I took a picture of him with baby girl by the window, then we stood him near a dinosaur that would make him look giant, and then we took a family photo. Between photo-ops he was gently stuffed back in to the diaper bag, unless Hannah asked for him to come out which she did periodically. I think just to check on him and make sure he wasn't too smooshed. She would give him a hug, a gentle pat on the back, and then hand him back to me with a "Tank too". (Thank you is her newest word.)

The boys spent most of their time being "Bears". Eden of course was the biggest bear, and was in charge and kept the littler bears in line to the best of his ability. Noah doesn't "keep in line" very well, but if anyone can manage to do it, Eden will. They had some small puppet animals which were their prey. They then stockpiled all the dead animals in their cave and growled at other small children who made the mistake of getting too close. Hannah spent a lot of time "feeding" the baby birds sock worms and looking at herself in the mirrors. Fernbank is sooooo cool.

When everyone was done with that we went on to the secondary playplace, and then to the interactive science exhibit. None of these things though seemed to hold the magic of the "dead animals and the cave game", so we didn't stay long. We went back to Joy and Noah's house for some Chick-fil-a and playtime before heading home. The boys were totally bummed we didn't get to spend more time at the house, so we promised to get them together again soon.

Kids with Daddy Doll

 

Just too cute.

Daddy Doll

Warning: Do Not Attempt to Read this Blog Post Without a Box of Tissues


Have you got them?



Ok. Good. You may proceed.

 

See why you needed the tissues?

Hannah received her "Daddy Doll" in the mail today. This has got to be the cutest, sweetest, most precious idea of all time. The military Moms who came up with this seriously deserve a medal of some sort. Or at least like, free chocolate for life or something. This 12" totally soft doll has a picture of Hannah's Daddy printed right on the front and an American flag printed on the back. It also has this nifty pocket for a voice recorder, which the company was kind enough to send weeks ago so that Dean could record a message for Hannah before he deployed. So now Hannah can give her doll a hug any time and hear her Daddy's voice say "I love you, babygirl. Night Night."

If I could put sounds on the blog, I would. But it would probably just make you cry harder so I guess its for the best.

I really wasn't expecting Hannah to ask for her Daddy so much. But she does. Every single day. When she sees my phone she points to it and says "Dada?" (his picture is on the front screen, cause hey, I like to look at him too!). When it rings she calls out "Dada? Dada??" And of course whenever she sees pictures of him around the house she exclaims "Dada!" and points or waves. And sometimes blows kisses.

I think shes trying to break my heart. But at the same time it makes me really happy because it means she KNOWS him. And she knows him well enough to miss him. Which is a good thing. Even if it does mean I go through a lot of tissues.

 

 

 

This is Patches.

This is Patches in Hannah's diaper drawer.

Why?

You would have to ask her, cause I have no clue.

I was changing Hannah's diaper, as I frequently do, and Patches jumped up on to the changing pad. Hannah was laughing and smacking her, and then I thought she jumped down to get away from said smacking. Apparently though instead she decided to climb IN to the diaper drawer and see if there was anything exciting going on. At this point I must have shut the drawer.

About 5 minutes later I hear "meow! meeooow!" I'm going all over the house, opening doors and cupboards (she tends to go in those too when I open them, and then gets shut inside). I can't find her anywhere! Finally, I go into Hannah's room. And there is a teeeeeeeny tiny paw, just peeking out of the drawer. "Meow1 meeeeeeeooow!" and the little paw waves back and forth. I rushed over and opened the drawer in a panic, worried maybe I had crushed her or something. But she popped her little head right out, shook it off and jumped down. I did not have the foresight the first time to catch this on film. However, this cat is not exactly the "intelligent" furball in the family, and the next day she did it again.

This time I grabbed the camera.

Eden gets his Bobcat

 

 

 

Eden Got his Bobcat. YAY! Its the very first thing you have to do in Cubscouts to start earning other patches. Its been slow going towards this first goal for a variety of reasons, but tonight he got a bit of recognition, a handshake from the NEW (THANK YOU!) Scout Pack Leader, and a Marshmellow Blaster. Thats the prize he chose for the amount of popcorn he sold. I'm reeeeeeeeeally excited about it. Really. Ok. No, I'm not.

Cubscouts has been a bit of a mess. But Eden REALLY wanted to do it, so we are trying our darnd-est to get involved and be good scouts or whatever. This is difficult when our "den" hasn't met all year, and now we are in some other "den" supposedly, but no one has ever called....blah blah blah. Don't even get me started on the whole Popcorn Sales thing. Its a nightmare.

The good news is we have a new Pack Leader who seems to be both organized AND interested in more then just decorating his own kids with so many patches and belt loops they can hardly walk upright. This is a major step up from the previous pack leader, who was one of those people who laughed at her own jokes. I hate people who do that. I am hoping this means things will start moving, and we can have, you know, activities to do. Which is why Eden is involved in the first place.

Yay for Bobcat Badge!

 

 

 

These are our cats. Zillah, otherwise known as "Kitty", is the big one. Patches, otherwise known as "pain in the a**" is the small one. I find them all over the house, sleeping in a variety of strange positions as demonstrated above. Patches for some reason does not sleep curled up like a "cat" She sleeps all stretched out, flopped over, twisted and folded and usually on top of some portion of poor Kitty. Lucky for her, Kitty is the most tolerant animal on earth. When we got her about 3 years ago, Jude was 2. Jude was not, and is not to this day what you might call gentle. Or careful. Or capable of slow movement. He used to also lay on top of Kitty as Patches does now, and when I would tell him not to his response was "But I hug kitty! She like it!" Kitty was not smart enough to protest, and would just lay there, with the air slowly being pressed from her body, not even attempting to escape. Not one hiss or arched-back or scratch or bite ever came. That is my kind of cat.

Patches, on the other hand, will bite anything that moves and frequently things that don't move at all. She is convinced they may move at some point in the future and so they should be pounced on and shredded NOW, before they have the chance. Pre-emptive kitten strikes. This applies to shadows, windows,and walls with absolutely nothing on them. And also the broom, because she has seen it move and she knows at any moment it could spring back to life and become a threat. Being constantly on guard means she is constantly on the move, darting from one end of the house to the other until she is so exaughsted she has to find Kitty to pass out on. Kitty who, by the way, has been sleeping peacefully for hours.

This morning though there was a strange scene. By our tv we have a little cat perch by the window. The cats usually jump on top of it to get behind the tv stand. They can also lay inside of it as it has two small cubbies. This morning though. Kitty was on top of the perch. Sitting completely upright. Behind the tv was Patches. She was trying to get out by jumping over the cat perch, but was getting repeated "smack-downs" by Kitty. Patches would jump, Kitty would smack, and Patches would hit the floor with a thud. After about 5 minutes of repeated attempts, Patches crawled through the tv stand instead and ran away. Kitty looked awfully proud of herself as she curled up for a nap, all by herself, on her well defended perch.

Don't worry, they made up later. That last photo was taken this afternoon a couple hours later.