Tuesday, January 29, 2008
The magnetic calendar on my fridge is some days my enemy....And others my friend. Why is that? Because Time is a tricky, tricky thing. One day may seem to fly by in such a frantic rush its hard to believe there was a day in there at all and I feel fairly certain that the sun may have just decided to turn in early and shorted us several hours. And I imagine that guy in the breakfast commercials with his big round sun belly deciding to cut me some slack. He seems like a nice enough fellow, I'm sure he would. But then a week can in turn seem to occupy the space of an entire month with its reluctance to pass. Like dragging a screaming toddler through a grocery store. Everyone stares at you, struggling to maintain your composure while your child's wailing brings the entire store to a screeching halt. And no one can do anything to help you. But hey, you've got to get groceries. So you put one foot in front of the other and attempt to keep the little monster from getting the best of you.
Except with a deployment it turns out I am both the mommy and the screaming toddler. Dragging myself along through the days. Some days I'm just more of one than the other.
I mark each day off on my fridge calendar. I like to see the black X's. I like to seem them progressing towards the end of the month, filling the empty white spaces, designating that day as Done. Finished. One step farther away from the beginning. One step closer to the end.
The funny bit is some days I wake up, and decide that in itself is enough for the day to be considered Done. I need to mark that X just to keep myself motivated. I know the whole day is still stretched out in front of me, like a marathon I don't quite remember signing up for. But the day has started and so I reason to myself it is closer to ending than it was. Its not very logical, I know, but if it keeps me from crying in my cereal then its totally worth it.
Other days I get all the way up to bed-time and its the last thing I do before turing out all the lights in the house. I mark an X. That day is Done, and I am amazed. It wasn't hard at all! Whew! No major meltdowns, no total catastrophes. And quite possibly even some really fun and wonderful moments, mostly created by my really fun and wonderful kids. I really, really need more of those kinds of days.
I am a little concerned that at the beginning of February I will feel pretty let down when I have to erase all those black X's and start over. But at the same time I will feel thrilled at the action of erasing one month and starting another. Now if February could be free of dead chimney squirrels and the Pukie Fairies, it might become my new favorite month. Only time will tell.