Fortune Cookie Failure

 

This is the ACTUAL fortune I received out of an ACTUAL fortune cookie at dinner last night.

Does this even count as a fortune? It sounds more like a command to me. "GO TO THE GYM! BAAAH!" Thats what it should have said. At least that would have been more interesting. Plus "improving" my exercise routine implies that I already HAVE some sort of excercise routine in place which I could improve upon. This however is not the case. Although a couple of months ago I went to a local gym for a free trial week and seriously considered joining....but, uhm...then I didn't. So, maybe thats what its talking about. Or maybe its just a lame cookie.

Can I get another fortune please?

Nine

Eden turned Nine years old on the 13th of this month.

There are not enough ways to say how much I love this little boy who is quickly becoming a little man. His birth absolutely and completely altered my life, in ways I could not have anticipated and in ways that I still cannot fully comprehend. I am grateful every. single. day. that I have been fortunate enough to be his mother and I know for a fact that I have learned just as much from him as he has ever learned from me, if not more.

When I look back and think about the day he was born, I am flooded with so many emotions. Being a "teenage mom" is a condition that seems to follow you no matter how many years pass. Seeing the look on my friends faces when they came to visit me in the hospital, the shock and awkwardness of our 18 year old selves around this tiny, pink person who symbolized by his presence the uncrossable divide between their reality and mine. Holding him and feeling the deepest kind of love mixed with the deepest sense of "oh-dear-god-what-have-I-done". The mixture of what I had lost with what I had gained, the certainty that I knew nothing combined with the certainty that I must not fail, the feeling that I must be dreaming conflicting with the undeniable reality of dirty diapers and feedings around the clock.

Luckily for me, he was the best baby anyone could ask for. Eden cried only when absolutely necessary, he woke up happy, spent most of his time content, and seemed endlessly patient with me as I bumbled about trying to figure out this whole mothering thing. He still is. He always wanted to be held and cuddled, he smiled early, talked early, and never learned to crawl because we never put him down. He did however master the art of butt-scooching in order to get around a bit before he decided at about 14 months that it was time to start walking. Eden always did things his own way in his own time, and when he was done with something he was DONE. One day he was simply done breastfeeding at about 10 months, another day he was done co-sleeping and never slept in my bed again (unless he had a bad dream as he got older, of course!), the same went for his sippy cup and his crib. Done and done, just like that all of the sudden. When hes ready and its time, things happen. When hes not ready and its not time, I assure you things will not. Thats just how it goes with him.

In the years since he has acquired both a younger brother and a younger sister. He is an outstanding big brother, patient and helpful, playful and creative, loving and kind. He has a tendency towards bossiness, but what kind of big brother would he be if he didn't? He knows how he is supposed to treat his siblings, and when he falls short the person who is hardest on him is himself. He is always quick to comfort when they are in need, encourage when they are down, and give hugs and kisses just because. I know how much he loves them, and they know it too. Its a beautiful thing to see.

Yesterday we were able to go out to dinner for his birthday, just him and me. Special mommy time is hard to come by these days. We talked and laughed, planned Halloween costumes and Dean's homecoming. He even ate almost his entire dinner and he proclaimed his hamburger to be "the best burger I have EVER eaten! I especially love the salty crusty bits!" Afterwards we went to Toys R Us to spend some birthday card money, and it was nice to just be able to walk the isles giving him the time to really examine his toy options and make a selection at his leisure. Returning home we had cookie cake and ice cream with everyone else. It was a wonderful evening.

Here are a couple photos, Eden at 10 days old and Eden today.





Amazing.

First Days (Or: "Incentivising")

Wow.

Ok so Monday was just about the biggest day EVER in our household. Everyone was having a First Day.

The boys had their first day back at school. Jude is now a Kindergartener and Eden is a 4th grader. Which my brain cannot fully comprehend or acknowledge. But, anyways, here they are being awesomely cute and adorable.



They apparently have really nice teachers. I wouldn't know though because I haven't MET them, since the teachers were not yet assigned at orientation and then on Monday I had my first day back at work.

Luckily, their Grandma is in town visiting to help us get through our big week, so she took them in and took their photos. That made me very happy. They both had really good days, liked their teachers, and their classmates. The only major glitch was in the afternoon. Grandma went to meet them off the bus.....and only Eden came off. Where is Jude? No one seems to know. So she tells the bus driver there is supposed to be one more and they start radioing around trying to find him. His teacher had for some reason thought he was a car-rider and put him in the wrong line so he missed the bus. She realized her mistake and tried to call me, but I was in orientation and the number that came up on my phone was apparently her personal cell phone which was clearly a number I did not recognize so I did not bother leaving my class to answer. Now if she had called from the SCHOOL I would have known it was something IMPORTANT and left to answer the call....but, whatever. The bus driver finally talked to someone at the school and verified he was there, with his teacher, so Grandma took Hannah and Eden to fetch Jude who was sitting perfectly happily in his room waiting to be retrieved. Believe it or not, a similar incident occured with Eden on his first day of Kindergarten....he was placed on the WRONG bus. Thats another story, but I think my kids must have some weird first day bus karma or something.

Last but certainly not least on the list of significant events was Hannah's first day at daycare!! Here we are getting ready to leave.


Don't we look excited? Ok HERE is Hannah being excited....


So cute!! The drop off went pretty well, mostly because I think she was completely shocked that I was actually leaving her. She didn't know what was going on or what to expect so she just kind of went "Mama?? MAMA?!?!" and then I closed the door. I didn't hear any blood curdling screams afterwards so I think she was ok. She cried on and off during the day, but then Grandma picked her up around 11:30 and all was right with the world again.

My first day of orientation was boring beyond description since I went thru the EXACT same orientation last summer for the exact same hospital, and they have the exact same speakers with the exact same topics and the exact same videos with the exact same slides.....yeah, you get the picture. There was even the same really nice older lady who was talking about benefits and such, who repeatedly used the word "incentivising", as in "Ya'll can see where such programs as our employee tuition reimbursement program is real incentivising to some folks who are lookin' to advance their careers." I've decided it is a word I am going to start trying to work in to my daily conversations, cause its just plain funny. And yes, it was the most interesting part of the entire day for me.

I came home to tired but happy children, who all gave me hugs and kisses. I asked Hannah "Did you have a good day at school?" and she replied "NNNNNOO!" But she said it with a big smile so it couldn't have been all that bad.

Heres all of us together in the morning. Just cause we are cute. Hannah is much more interested in her "bucket" as she calls it(which is actually an M&M dispenser) then having her photo taken.

Stupid frickin' Fences! Frick!

My fences.....I am telling you they are suicidal. Or something. Perhaps they are just unlucky, I really don't know. But big things like TREES keep frickin' falling on them and making a big frickin' mess.

As you can plainly see from the photo above, yet another section of our fencing has met a sad end at the hands of a large piece of wood falling from the sky. A storm rolled through this afternoon, there were several very loud cracks of thunder near our house. And at some point this tree limb fell down. On the fence. Which created a very large hole.

We have a dog. His name is Mac. He is a good dog and we love him to bits, and he loves going out in the back yard. This is normally not an issue when the fence is intact. But now, it is broken and Mac was sad. There was no way that we could leave it, obviously, because he could run away. So as soon as the storm was over I drove to Lowe's and tried to buy something that would be cheap and adequately cover the gap. This is what I came up with....



Stop laughing.

I was going for functional not beautiful. Clearly.

I got a few stares while at Lowes, I must have looked a bit out of place wandering around the large stacks of wood and particle board and whatever other large pieces of building materials are sold there. No one who WORKED there actually offered to help me but I did get several offers from men in tattered work shirts, dusty blue jeans and work boots. One of these nice guys even held the lattice for me while I went to get my car, and then loaded it in to the back for me as well. Maybe its because I was having such a good hair day.

I don't know if Dean will be pleased with my Mrs. Fix-It skills, but I did my best in order to keep the dog safe for now. Recently the roof around the chimney was leaking (I know, right?!?!Come ON house, keep it together!!) and had to be repaired, and the very nice gentlmen who did a very nice job on it will apparently be getting another phone call from me very soon.

Stupid frickin' fence.

An Old Favorite

 

Looking through old photos on my computer tonight I came across this one.

I love it.

I love it because it was taken shortly after we were married. I love it because neither one of us is looking at the camera. I love it because we look so young. I love it because we look so happy. I love it because there aren't a lot of pictures with just him and me. I love it because it is a very real moment. I love it because of the way I am looking at him.

Love, love, love it.

Feelings without Words

The first time I saw this photo, I felt my heart drop and my stomach tied in knots. I wasn't sure why exactly, until later when I found out where and when it was taken. Then it made sense. Intuition is weird.

There is not much I can say about the deployment right now. Its still difficult, its still lonely. But it has evolved beyond those things, to the point where there aren't really words for how it feels. The mixture of pride and fear, love and loneliness, the often physically painful anxiety tempered only by the calm reassurance of his voice. I am awed and amazed by the strength, integrity, and bravery of my husband and the men serving with him, while being equally terrified and angry at the circumstances which call them to action. Amid the conflicting emotions I often find myself moved to tears, but still never completely sure why I am crying.

And if any one else wants to remind me that "Hey, things sure are heating up in Afghanistan," I would like to remind them: I. Already. Know.

On Vacation

Hannah and I are spending two weeks in New Jersey with Dean's family. The boys are at their Dad's, going to the beach and generally having tons of fun. They weren't too upset until the day before we left, when Jude said "Wait, I want to play with Uncle Thomas!" (Dean's younger brother) I assured him that Uncle Thomas would come and visit us some time soon, and that I really thought this time he would have more fun at the beach. Last time we all came to NJ we did EVERYTHING from camping to the Statue of Liberty, and I told him we were not doing any of those things this time. So he said "Yeah, I think I will go to the beach." I personally was not up to the challenge of three kids in the airport, getting through security and all of that jazz.

Getting through the airport with Hannah turned out to be quite entertaining. Here she is, walking to our gate, with a wipey on her head. I had just changed her diaper in the bathroom and she asked me for a "wash wash", which about ten seconds later was deemed a "hat hat".


Then once we got to the gate we sat for a few minutes, looked out the window, watched the people. Hannah then seemed to suddenly remember her Daddy Doll was in my backpack. She started pointing and shouting "Dada! DA! DA!" at my backpack. I asked her "Do you want your Daddy Doll?" And she said "Right! Right!!" When I got him out she said "awwww" and gave him a big hug. Then she proceeded to walk around the gate and show him to anyone and everyone, saying loudly "Dada! Thank you! Dada! Thank you!"




She was great on the plane, played with a little boy sitting next to us, and then napped for about 30 minutes. When we arrived Grandma and Aunt Mary were there to meet us. Hannah definitely recognized them but was afraid I was going to leave her with them and didn't really want to look at them or talk to them at first. When I put her in the car seat she really started to freak out that I might leave her, and she cried for a few minutes even once I got in the car too. Poor baby girl! But we all made it to the house, and went outside to explore the yard. One of her new favorite words is "grass", I am not sure why but she seems to think Jersey grass is waaaaay more interesting then Georgia grass. We also had a little cook out.


Thats Hannah with Thomas, whom she has renamed "Tummy!" Every time she sees him she exclaims "Tummy!" and points to her belly. It has the potential to become a very permanent nickname.

The next day we went to the playground. Hannah was fascinated by the rocks in the parking lot. and it took some convincing to get her to continue on to the ACTUAL playground.

So we went on to play on the swings and such. She had a captive audience of no less then 4 adults (me, Mary, Grandma, and Tummy)and I think she quite enjoyed it. Although by the time we go home she may have quite a time readjusting to not being the complete center of attention.

Our Independence Day

On Saturday, I took all three kiddos out to an Independence Day Celebration on post. I was a bit anxious initially, just thinking about having them all out, its hot, trying to stay up late for fireworks, trying manage all the feeding and diaper changing and constant intake of Gatorade all my myself. I knew the day would succeed or fail based completely on their attitudes and dispositions.

Luckily for me, on this particular day all attitudes were positive and all dispositions remained agreeable in spite of an unexpected and quite violent rainstorm.

We got there around 345 and had only been there about ten minutes. The boys had gone on approximately three inflatables, when a Dad standing near me looked up and foolishly said "I think its going to rain." I told him "No, no, we don't say that word on days like this." But it was too late. Big fat raindrops began falling on our heads. He had jinxed us. I collected the kids and we started walking towards a tent for some shelter. The rain started to pick up, and we were kinda wet before we even made it to the tent. This was a car salesman tent, they had two big rows of cars lined up that I guess they were tryign to sell or something. Anyways, the boys sat down and I told them I was certain it would pass in a minute. Here they are.



And heres Hannah proclaiming "Rain? Rain?"



About 60 seconds after I took that photo the wind suddenly picked up, and the rain began blowing under the tent that was covering us. Everyone huddled in the center, and the rain was just pelting us. And then the tent began to blow away. Literally the poles were shifting off the ground and the guys around the edges grabbed ahold and were trying to hold it down. The rain is literally coming at us sideways now, and Jude starts screaming "We're going to DIE!! We're going to DIEEEEE!!" I assured him that we were not, that it was just wind and rain, but I admit I was getting a bit scared. We were in the middle of a huge field, there was no where to go for cover. Eden was totally calm, but Hannah was screaming at the rain coming straight on to her face. At this point the car salesman says that anyone with babies can come with him and hop in a car, to at least get out of the rain. So a bunch of us run out in to the rain after him, and hes piling people in to these big vans. Mind you, these are cars hes hoping to sell and we are now dripping wet and muddy. But, out of the rain because of his kindness. Right after we got inside, the tent next to ours went down and the tables and chairs started blowing around, knocking people over. The "rock wall" set up in the middle of the field blew over. It got crazy for about 2 more minutes and I was beginning to wonder if perhaps being in a vehicle was a bad decision if we were going to experience a tornado. And then....it stopped. All of it, completely. The rain, the wind, gone. The sun broke out and we could hear thunder rolling past us. So very, very bizarre. We all climbed out,stunned, and went to find our stroller. Eden said "Wow....that was weird." And Jude said "I'm so glad we didn't die." And I took this photo of my three sopping wet kiddos.


Despite all of that, when I asked the kids "What do you want to do now? Should we just go home?" I got a resounding "NO! We want to STAY!" I told them we would wait 15 minutes and see if they were setting the rides and booths back up, which they did. We sat and ate a funnel cake. The party went on. And we stayed ALLLLLLLLLLLL day. Heres the boys on the inflatables.




There were also some cool Army vehicles for the kids to climb in and mess around with, practically mandatory at such functions as this one.



At one point we had to stop mid-stride for the National Anthem. Here are my young patriots.


Eventually after much playtime we chose a spot near the big stage, where there had been live music going on all day. We ate some hamburgers and hot dogs, and blew bubbles while we waited for the sun to set and the fireworks to begin. We also saw a cool karate demonstration, which the boys totally enjoyed.





It turns out the main event on the stage was a group called The Commodors. According to the people around me I was a complete idiot for not knowing who this group was until they clued me in that they sing "Shes a Brick....House!" Ah ha! I know that song, its on the Shrek soundtrack! (Mom of three kids, in case you couldn't tell before now, thats how I know music. Animated movie soundtracks.) The performance was really good, people were singing and shouting and dancing. Jude got REALLY in to it.





Then finally, around 1100, the fireworks started. The kids had all been wonderful, patient and well behaved, even little bitty Hannah stayed awake the whole time! She was impressed by the fireworks. She watched them from over my shoulder and would say "That?? That?!?" And I would say "Fireworks!" And she would say "Right!! Right!!"




All in all, a wonderful day. On our walk back to the car Jude said "That was the best day ever. Well,.....The best day ever so FAR." And Eden agreed, saying "Wouldn't it be cool if we could just do it again tomorrow?" By the time we got home and in to bed it was past midnight, everyone was beyond tired, but there was still this feeling of peace, happiness, and togetherness that comes with making such awesome memories. It was a treasurable day.

Come play in the dirt again

 

 

 

This is just plain cute.

We have some old planter boxes on our screened in porch. Once upon a time they contained living things, like flowers and basil. Now they simply serve as another sad reminder that my husband is not home, and that I absolutely do not have any sort of green thumb. I have the opposite of green-thumb in fact, and I think I shall call it "the thumb that brings death and decay to all green things that dare bloom in its presence." By which of course I mean to say, I have a knack for killing plants.

So now the boxes are just full of dirt. Expensive dirt at that. The fancy potting soil kind you have to buy in big bags at Lowe's. This is the perfect kind of dirt for an 18 month old to play in, at least according to Hannah. She stands by the back sliding glass door and insists "Aa-yide! Aa-yide!"(that means outside, in case you don't speak "Hannah") over and over. When I open the door she heads straight for the boxes and plops herself down in front of one. She digs her tiny hands in to the dirt, bringing fistfuls out to toss on the porch and then swish around as she says "wash wash! wash wash!" She hasn't quite got the concept that "wash" means "to make clean", she simply thinks it goes with the hand motion of rubbing your hands around, whether it be with soap or dirt its all the same to her. She continues wash-washing the porch, or occasionally taking a tiny handful and throwing it up in the air with a celebratory "ah-ah-AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!" I'm not sure what that means, but she seems to know. Then she moved on to "wash-wash"-ing her feet and legs, her belly, her hands and her arms. This went on for a good thirty minutes until she had dirt in her hair, in her ears, and all over the rest of her body. At one point she found a tiny rock, which was very exciting since she also knows how to say "rock" She stood up and said "rock rock rock rock" as she walked across the porch until she found a suitable sized hole to drop the rock in where it disappeared beneath the porch forever. Then she immediately cried out "UH OH! OH NOOOOO!Where? Where?" to the vanished rock. I told her the rock went "bye bye" and she said "Awww! awww! Rock..." as she had apparently decided she had an emotional attachment to it. Then I told her to go find another rock and she quickly moved on.

By the time she was done playing in the planter boxes she had even managed to get dirt in her diaper, so she took a nice long bubble bath and then an even nicer, longer nap. Now I should probably find some where else to put the planter boxes, or I have a feeling she will want this to become a daily activity.

Tattoo Time

 

So, heres my new tattoo.

I must say, I like it quite a lot! The top symbol I acquired a few years back, at the ripe old age of 19, when I went to visit my dear friend Austin in New York City. I got off the plane and before we had even reached his apartment we had hatched a plan to go get tattoos. Nothing premeditated, I had no clue what I was getting I just wanted one. In hindsight.....kinda stupid. Austin ended up not getting anything at all, but he always was the smart one out of the two of us.

So for going on almost 8 years now I have had this random black mark on my back. Its actually the japanese kanji for "eternal" or "forever". I just picked it cause I thought it looked nice. But recently I started feeling like the tattoo needed to be completed, filled out somehow in to something with, you know, meaning. I started searching and I came upon the design for the bottom portion of the tattoo. It is the japanese kanji for "mother", and convienently enough had three flowers. One for each of my three fabulous children. I knew instantly it was perfect. I even emailed it to Dean for confirmation and he agreed. Perfect.

I then began pondering what colors I would use for the flowers, tossing about the idea of birthstones....but then the boys would match since they are both August Leo Birthdays. And the fact of the matter is, my boys are entirely too different to be the same color in my tattoo. I discussed it with Dean and said I thought Eden would be a good "Blue" and Jude would be a good "Green". but not like pale anything, I wanted really bold, dark, jewel tones. He thought that sounded good, but just to be certain I asked the boys themselves.

Me: Hey guys, Mommy wants to ask you something.
Them: Yeah?
Me: If you were a color, what color would you be?
Eden: (without a moments hesitation) Blue.
Jude:(with a small pause) I think I would be green, cause I am always on green at school.

Awesome.

Hannah's color I had to debate a bit, pink would be nice cause its a cherry blossom after all, but it just felt too girly-girl. Plus, Erin made me promise not to make Hannah's flower pink. And Erin doesn't usually ask me for much, unless its important. So it was then either purple or red, and I eventually chose an amethyst-y purple. I think it suits her quite nicely.

I got my tattoo done by a very nice guy named Chris, who told me all about his ex-wife and 4 kids he never sees which made me sad. But I couldn't be too sad because I was very focused on NOT crying while getting tattooed. I didn't want to look like a wimp after all. Most of it was actually painless, except right in the center. I did have to say "ouch!!" very sincerely a few times, but no tears were shed. Cause I'm tough like that.

And now I must swear off tattoos forever. Done and done. That way Erin doesn't have to lay awake at night worrying what I might do next. You're welcome, Erin. :)